that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
