Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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