im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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