you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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