You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
