Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
