it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
