...so i touched it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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