Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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