So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
