somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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