I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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