If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
