And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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