she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
