Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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