Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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