people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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