Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
