This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
