Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
