I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
