So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We left an ass print on the piano.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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