know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
