She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
