the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just invented taco cereal.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
