My nipple is on Facebook.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
