i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
