I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
