I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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