Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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