It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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