You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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