When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I got inside last night via doggy door
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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