He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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