i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
