I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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