My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
