I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
