we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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