I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
