So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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