Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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