he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
