I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
