bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
