you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
