If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
