Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
