so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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