oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
