from now on my penis is your penis
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
40s are totally the cure
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
