im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
