The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
