Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
