Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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